Korean Children: Adorable but Stinky

Hey yo
Yeah yeah, long time no post. What can I say? I'm just a girl on the go. If Joe Chew's ex girlfriend didn't just make me laugh for about 20 minutes, I'd probably be doing something else - but alas, here I am with some notes on the children of Korea. They really might be the cutest collective group of small people in the world when their mouths aren't filled with squid (about 80% of the time).

The stank factor:
So hygeine isn't exactly at the top of the list of priorities with these tykes. We're talking about the raunch that can only come from a little B.O. mixed with dried up squid that's been caked on to the shirts, or even complete outfits they've been wearing ALL WEEK. Not all the kids do it, and a lot of those that do manage to keep themselves relatively clean for a few days. Another problem is the frequent squid breath. We have to get right up in the kids' faces from time to time to check for pronunciation, which always runs the risk of a trip to the barfatorium. I just pretend I'm trying to stay under water for a really long time and slowly exhale from my nose. Again, not all the kids stink - but every class has it's ripe ones for sure. Consider the fact that Kelly has a student formerly known as 'Dirty Pants Tom," now known as "Dirty Shirt Tom," and his brother is "Kimchi-tooth Jason." I love it. But we should move on...

"Tresents"
OK, on to the cute stuff. The kids lovvve to give little presents to the teachers. Usually it's a little candy or some cool stickers or something, but they get creative from time to time. Magic Time Aron has taken to giving me little cartons of milk every couple of days, I've gotten a few energy drinks, a package of vitamin C tablets, a notebook, a tiny hot pink hand-knit scarf, and a little Munchkin-shaped doughnut that turned out to be squid flavored. (You know, I actually liked squid before I came to Korea. It just keeps turning up in places I don't want it: My sidewalk, my doughnuts, seeping from the pores of my students...). So the presents are called tresents because when Andrew-Teacher still ruled Columbia, this total sweetheart I can't help but refer to as Suck-up Sue gave him some stickers with a little note that said "Tresent" on one side and "Andrew-Teacher: I love you. -Sue". It just stuck. She's spelled it tresent on a couple things for me since then - I don't have the heart to correct her. I guess that's not the best move for an English teacher, but hell she's in Magic Time. Her vocabulary list doesn't go much past "dog".

Dong:
So the Korean word for poop is dong, and good Lord if these kids don't think it's the funniest thing to ever exist. I mean, all kids do. I do too. But things really get taken to the next level over here. Kelly and I found out about it soon enough, as the kids like to test our knowledge of the Korean language by asking things like "Teacher, do you like dong?", "Do you like water-dong?" and "Do you like salsa?". Salsa being the actual word for diarrhea, though water-dong works just as well. There's also a little something called the dong-jip, or "shit house" in which you fold your hands and point your index fingers to look like you're shooting a gun. Then you shove it up an unsuspecting person's butt. I accidentally put my hands together this way once and caused a 20 minute laugh riot. I've been warned that I probably will get dong-jipped at some point in my teaching experience, and I will remain extremely pleased with Ivy School's stance on corporal punishment. As a side note, the Korean word for anus is "dong-ko" or "shit nose". hahaha. Anyway, another thing the kids will do is insert dong into everyday situations. As I was walking around my 3:30 class with a basket full of school supplies asking things like "Is this a pencil?" ("Yes, it is." or "No, it isn't. It's a pen.") I hear behind me:
-"Deborah Teacher!!! Teacher, Teacher Teeeeachaaaaah meeeeeeee me me me me"
-"OK Daniel. Is it a marker?"
-"NO, IT ISN'T!!! IT'S A DONG!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA"
-*sigh* "No Daniel, it's an eraser."

The Gochu:
So while I'm on the subject of bathroom humor.... a gochu is a green chili pepper. It's also a casual term for the male organ. Kind of like wiener I guess. So another favorite question is "Teacher, gochu - English speaking - what??". The answer of course is *sigh* "Chili pepper" and their response is "Nooooo" with a lot of dramatic pointing to the crotch region. One of my Magic Time Maniacs, Max (the Tragic Time ring leader in fact) recently discovered his gochu and is intensely preoccupied with it. He grabs himself about 4 times a class, and god forbid that child be given a pink crayon. I gave them an assignment in which they had to draw a monster with multiple limbs and appendages, with a voice bubble saying things like "I have ten arms. I have 4 legs. etc.." Well it's fortunate that Max can barely spell his own name, because his monster would be saying "I have 50 gochus". It was in fact one giant smiling gochu constructed of about 49 smaller gochus. All colored pink. Awesome. I wish I didn't have to turn it into Mr. Choi so he could scare Max straight, because I'd definitely be showing all of you right now.

The way-gook (foreigner) craze:
As we've already mentioned, white people are few and far between in these parts, making a way-gook sighting stare worthy for adults, "Hi!" worthy for teens, and frenzy worthy for children. Kelly and I went to Lotte Mart one night to do some shopping and a kid starts pointing like mad and yelling to his friends and family "WAYGOOKS WAYGOOKS WAYGOOKS!!!" They all yell hi and wave and say whatever they know in English whenever we pass by. We all went ice-skating last weekend and we had kids zipping around us asking things like "What's your name?", "Where are you from?" "Do you like grapes?", and my personal favorite - "Do you like cheejuh (cheese)?" A couple cute girls grabbed onto my hands for a few laps and every time we made a round a couple more tagged on. At one point I had a chain of 3 per side. Of course I loved it. How could you not? See the picture above and then answer.

So all in all, the adorability outweighs the stankiocity and I love the kids to death - which is fortunate because Mr. Choi's first rule of teaching is "Love the children."

That's all for now y'all. Hope everyone's enjoying the holiday season in the western world. It's severely lacking here. Most of the kids don't even get Christmas presents. They're just pumped for a day off from school and the chance to eat some tacky-looking decorated cake.

Love, Deborah "DongJip" Durant